Lessons Learned: April/ May 2022 Edition

A few weeks ago, on April 9, I was painting my new office space when I fell and broke my elbow. Having never broken a bone, this was a whole new experience of pain that I would love to never feel again. Since then, I’ve been recovering slowly and thinking a lot about how I got here.

Stress, anxiety, and ultimately, burnout. With a healthy dose of clumsiness thrown in, of course. Your mileage may vary when it comes to overwork, but I’d guess there are a fair few of us out here teetering on the edge of burnout. Like me, you may not be aware of it until it’s too late.

I don’t think we put enough emphasis on the importance of resting. It feels lazy, or guilt sets in because of all that’s still on the to-do list. Often we’re so in the habit of constantly doing, that resting feels foreign and a little uncomfortable. Or, we just don’t feel like we can.

At the height of feeling like I didn’t have time to slow down, my body stepped in and changed all of that. I got an unintended month-long hiatus, during which I could not lift anything heavier than my phone with my left hand. I couldn’t open jars, do my hair, wash dishes, and everything from getting dressed to getting into the car took an agonizingly long time. I spent a few days wallowing in the knowledge that I had a lot to do, but for the moment, I was grounded.

Healing time is slow time. There’s a lot that can be done to support the body while it mends, but nothing can really speed the process. So, I sat with what I was feeling. I thought about how long I’d been feeling anxious or rushed or inadequate. I thought about how that affected my work and my personal life. I meditated to slow my breathing down. I started to let go – just a little – of the need to be “doing everything right,” and I decided that the only thing I needed to do right in this time, was heal. I got myself grounded in a much healthier way.

Now with the office relocation coming up, I am trying to be deliberate with my movements. I’m going to ease my way back into working because I still don’t have my strength or full range of motion back, but I’m getting there. I’m going to ask for help when I need it, because even if I can handle things by myself, I don’t always need to. And I’m going to rest. Because rest is how we become stronger, and goodness, it’s taken me a very long time to finally admit that.

The Mind-Body Connection

“Knee pain is often indicative of one’s inability or unwillingness to move forward,” the teacher said in the midst of a lecture, and my mind was blown. I had been dealing with unexplainable pain in both my knees for a few weeks; it had come out of nowhere and would hit me at random times with a range of symptoms, from stabbing pain as I walked or climbed stairs, to a dull ache while sitting, to a sharp jab while standing that had me reaching for a wall or a chair to keep from falling over.

I had no idea what had brought it on. I hadn’t been injured, I had not suffered knee pain at any time in my life prior to that, and I wasn’t doing any activities that were out of the ordinary. Physically, I was in fine shape.

Emotionally, however, I was a mess.

I was 30 years old and my father had just died. I was in the middle of massage school, where every hour of education counted, and taking time off meant risking losing the hours required to graduate, so I pushed on. I was riddled with grief and shouldered with the responsibilities that every family faces when they lose a loved one, I had a job in addition to being in school full-time, and every hour of every day was given over to something or someone else. The sadness I felt over losing my father was something I just didn’t have the time or the bandwidth to process for a long, long time.

And here I was, in a class for a program that was designed around understanding the structure and mechanics of the body in order to do bodywork that facilitates healing, and this teacher was talking about a symptom that wasn’t driven by a physical root cause. This is when it sank in: emotions can and do manifest as physical issues. Unchecked, they cause pain and dysfunction in the body, even disease.

Have you ever felt paralyzed with fear? So nervous that your stomach hurt? Perhaps you have experienced heartache. Or butterflies in your stomach when you’re around someone you love. These too are the physical manifestations of your emotions. Yet, when we discuss issues and ailments with a physician, often only the symptom is addressed. The body is separated from the mind and the spirit, when all three are of equal importance.

How then, was I to resolve my knee pain? No amount of ibuprofen brought me relief. It wasn’t about the symptom. I slogged my way through several weeks, simply trying to keep up, and answer the question of what my life would be like now. Thankfully, I had help. Friends, classmates, coworkers, loved ones – a close circle of people who weren’t able to solve anything for me, but who gave me their presence and support while I figured things out. A few massages didn’t hurt, either. Compassion takes many forms, from a hug, to a kind word, to connected, therapeutic touch. And slowly, gradually, my knee pain went away, as I figured out how to move forward.

Self-care is about holding space for the healing work you need to do. That could be a few quiet minutes of meditation, a walk out in nature, a long talk with a trusted friend, an hour at the gym, or an afternoon nap. It’s not just a buzzword. It’s a way to balance and find your center. You are just as important as anything else in your life that you give your energy to. Nourish your total health – body, mind, and spirit – and you will notice a substantial difference.

On Being Present

Local craniosacral therapist and teacher Don Ash wrote a book called “Lessons from the Sessions,” chronicling the important things that he learned about healing work from being in session with his clients. I feel as though most bodyworkers could write volumes on the same subject. Of all my learning experiences, some of my greatest teachers have been the beautiful souls who have graced my massage table.

I wish I could tell you all that I learn from just one session with a client.  How freeing a feeling it is to lift the weight of one’s stress from the body, simply by breathing, and talking of life experiences – or not talking at all, and embracing the magic of letting go. We hold emotions in our bodies. We hold back thoughts and feelings that we perhaps don’t trust others to accept. We keep tension so locked up in our tissues that we sometimes even forget the experience that put the knots there. But the body doesn’t lie. And while I quietly learn the story of your journey through what I feel in my hands, I’m also listening. I’m listening to your breathing becoming more regular, your questions as I find an area of soreness that you may or may not have realized was there, I’m listening to whatever you want to tell me.  I’m not a psychotherapist, I can’t offer advice or solutions, but what I can give you is my presence.

How often in your day can you say you have someone’s undivided attention?  I’m not checking my phone for text messages, I’m not distracted by other things in the room, I’m not mentally composing what I’m going to say when you finish speaking – for if you’re speaking at all, it’s not to carry on a discussion, it’s to be heard.  I am with you in your body’s healing process, to remind you that health is a combination of body, mind, and spirit wellness. It’s profound work that you’re doing on the table, and I am profoundly honored that you trust me to be a part of it, even for an hour.

I wish I could tell you the stories I’ve heard. Stories of families, friends, struggles and triumphs, of adventures and life-changing moments in time.  Everyone has a story to tell, and my job has taught me above all to be a better listener. Being present with people makes you part of the experience, rather than simply a witness to someone else’s existence. Putting yourself in the moment with someone means that, for even a brief time, you’re not worrying about things that haven’t happened yet, or reliving something that has already become a part of your past. It means that this moment, right now, is the most important thing, and the person or people with whom you are sharing this moment, are the most important. Imagine being the most important thing to someone, right here, right now. Couldn’t we all use more of that feeling?

Why Seek Out a Massage Therapist?

Regular massages are beneficial in so many ways. The therapeutic impact that massage has on your immune, nervous, and endocrine systems can be felt long after you are off the table…with time, not only are you able to be more relaxed during your appointment, but you feel more relaxed on a daily basis. Massage can improve your sleep, your digestion, your ability to fight off illness, and your general sense of peace and well-being.

Your massage therapist is trained to listen to your individual needs, identify areas that need work, and communicate with you to deliver the best possible results.  While it is possible to feel immediate benefits from one massage, visiting your therapist regularly is the best way to see continued improvement of pain, tension, and relaxation.

When In Doubt, Breathe With It.

It’s not uncommon when I’m working on a client, to come across a knot – a little spot in the belly of a muscle that somehow missed the message that it doesn’t need to contract anymore, and is stuck in a state of tension.  What I notice, when I start going to work on these knots, is that my client will hold their breath.  Their reaction to my locating this often painful, bean-sized offender will range from, “Ooh!” to, “What is that?” and sometimes even, “There it is!” And whether these are spoken or silent reactions, the natural accompanying reaction is to hold one’s breath, and wait for it to go away.

Why Self-Care is a Resolution You Should Keep

“I’m going to take better care of myself this year.”

“I’m joining a gym.”

“I’m going to eat better.”

“I’m going to learn how to meditate.”

“I’m going to treat myself to a massage every month.”

…Sound familiar? Resolution time!  New Year, New You, right?  But wait…cheese tastes good.  So does beer.  And cinnamon buns.  And it’s too cold to go to the gym.  And my mind’s too much of a jumble to meditate.  And the holidays really took a toll on my wallet…and I really don’t have time…