“Knee pain is often indicative of one’s inability or unwillingness to move forward,” the teacher said in the midst of a lecture, and my mind was blown. I had been dealing with unexplainable pain in both my knees for a few weeks; it had come out of nowhere and would hit me at random times with a range of symptoms, from stabbing pain as I walked or climbed stairs, to a dull ache while sitting, to a sharp jab while standing that had me reaching for a wall or a chair to keep from falling over.
I had no idea what had brought it on. I hadn’t been injured, I had not suffered knee pain at any time in my life prior to that, and I wasn’t doing any activities that were out of the ordinary. Physically, I was in fine shape.
Emotionally, however, I was a mess.
I was 30 years old and my father had just died. I was in the middle of massage school, where every hour of education counted, and taking time off meant risking losing the hours required to graduate, so I pushed on. I was riddled with grief and shouldered with the responsibilities that every family faces when they lose a loved one, I had a job in addition to being in school full-time, and every hour of every day was given over to something or someone else. The sadness I felt over losing my father was something I just didn’t have the time or the bandwidth to process for a long, long time.
And here I was, in a class for a program that was designed around understanding the structure and mechanics of the body in order to do bodywork that facilitates healing, and this teacher was talking about a symptom that wasn’t driven by a physical root cause. This is when it sank in: emotions can and do manifest as physical issues. Unchecked, they cause pain and dysfunction in the body, even disease.
Have you ever felt paralyzed with fear? So nervous that your stomach hurt? Perhaps you have experienced heartache. Or butterflies in your stomach when you’re around someone you love. These too are the physical manifestations of your emotions. Yet, when we discuss issues and ailments with a physician, often only the symptom is addressed. The body is separated from the mind and the spirit, when all three are of equal importance.
How then, was I to resolve my knee pain? No amount of ibuprofen brought me relief. It wasn’t about the symptom. I slogged my way through several weeks, simply trying to keep up, and answer the question of what my life would be like now. Thankfully, I had help. Friends, classmates, coworkers, loved ones – a close circle of people who weren’t able to solve anything for me, but who gave me their presence and support while I figured things out. A few massages didn’t hurt, either. Compassion takes many forms, from a hug, to a kind word, to connected, therapeutic touch. And slowly, gradually, my knee pain went away, as I figured out how to move forward.
Self-care is about holding space for the healing work you need to do. That could be a few quiet minutes of meditation, a walk out in nature, a long talk with a trusted friend, an hour at the gym, or an afternoon nap. It’s not just a buzzword. It’s a way to balance and find your center. You are just as important as anything else in your life that you give your energy to. Nourish your total health – body, mind, and spirit – and you will notice a substantial difference.
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